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August 25, 2023
In today’s edition of the Health With Balance newsletter, I’m going to tell you about the top thing I’ve done in the past few months to improve my sleep.
It’s a simple concept that won’t cost you anything except a few extra minutes at the end of your day.
But first, a little bit of background.
I told you last week about the home my husband, daughter, and I lived in when we still lived in Taiwan.
Well, in 2022 we moved back to the States…right in the middle of the housing crisis. My husband and I were both looking for jobs, we were looking for a home, and all the while dealing with the upheaval of moving our family halfway across the world.
Not too surprisingly, my sleep started to suffer during this time.
I was doing everything else “right” - I was in bed the same amount of time, we kept our bedroom really dark, I was getting outside early in the morning, I tried various sleep supplements…and yet I just couldn’t fall asleep quickly or stay asleep at night.
I started to realize that this was all owing to stress - specifically mental stress.
I would ruminate fruitlessly about all the problems we were facing, worrying about how things would work out. I would fret about all kinds of things - what houses were available, whether the buyer would accept our offer, whether Drew would get a job he was interviewing for.
In other words, I was dwelling on problems I had no control over.
I notice the same trend anytime I’m overly stressed or anxious about something in life - I have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and sleeping deeply.
The biggest thing I’ve done to change this was not finding a magic supplement that helped me fall asleep. It was more simple than that: I follow a simple wind-down routine to facilitate letting go of stressful thoughts.
As sleep expert Matthew Walker puts it, the process of falling asleep is less like flipping a switch to turn off a light and more like landing a plane - there’s a gradual shifting in altitude and slowdown of speed until you finally “land” in peaceful sleep. A wind-down activity helps you gradually shift from a state of cognitive arousal to a mental peace that facilitates falling asleep faster.
It doesn’t have to be a complicated list of 10 things you have to do before getting in bed. It just needs to be one, maybe two activities that you can count on to help you let go of problems and shift into a state more conducive to sleep.
If you’re dealing with similar sleep challenges, I’m going to share with you 4 different pre-bed strategies you can experiment with.
#1: Keep a worry journal.
Keeping a worry journal is simple. 1-2 hours before bedtime, just write down everything you’re thinking about. It could be a sloppy record of the day’s events, a to-do list for tomorrow, or things you’re worried about. Walker compares this to “closing the tabs on your mental browser” so that the whole system can shut down.
Don’t worry about this being a perfectly organized or Instagram-worthy journal - in fact, it probably shouldn't be! It could be as basic as a sheet of paper that you end up throwing away. The key thing is that you’re getting thoughts out of your head and on paper, so you can put those thoughts to bed for the night.
#2: End-of-day reflection
Another strategy that works for some people is to do some type of end-of-day reflection, prayer, or meditation. The key concept here is just systematically thinking through your day from beginning to end, allowing any thoughts or feelings about the day to rise to the surface, be felt or experienced, and then let go.
My favorite way to do this is with the “Reflection” meditation in the Balance meditation app.
Another option is to do something similar to the Examen prayer, developed by St Ignatius in the 1500s. Or you could just take yourself on a mental walk through the day, taking note of highlights and memories.
#3: Easy stretching
Another strategy you could try is some light, easy stretching. This is a good way of just kind of leaning into and releasing tension that you're carrying in your body.
The key here is that you’re just finding a stretch that feels good, then relaxing and breathing deeply into that area of your body that is being stretched. There are no “right” stretches to do here - you’re just exploring and finding what feels good.
Here’s a follow-along routine that you could use as a starting point, if you need some guidance.
#4: Relaxing breathwork
Another strategy you could try is specific breathing techniques to relax your nervous system. There are numerous ways to practice this: try the physiological sigh, 4-7-8 breathing, or box breathing.
At the same time, keep in mind that the key here is relaxation. So if you find yourself getting caught up in trying to do the breathing “right” and obsessing about counting your inhales or exhales, this might end up being counterproductive. In that case, just sit and take deep breaths without counting or forcing yourself into a particular breathing pattern.
Conclusion
This list of 4 strategies is just scratching the surface - there are any number of intentional practices you could use to accomplish the goal of letting go of mental stress to facilitate better sleep.
But the last thing I want to emphasize here is that this goes way beyond having a list of strategies to follow because some expert or influencer told you to. This gets right at the heart of how you live life.
Are you controlling the things you can control and letting go of the rest?
There’s a push and pull with everything in life - whether with your physiology, your relationships, or your mindset.
This is why I chose the traditional “yin and yang” symbol as my logo for Health With Balance. It’s the best way I could think of to illustrate the reality that there’s room for everything in a truly healthy, balanced life - it’s when we go to extremes that we get in trouble.
For me, my sleep struggles were a symptom of a larger problem - I tend to be very good at taking action to create the kind of life I want, but I’m not great at letting go of things that are out of my control.
I can’t think of a better way to illustrate a healthy mindset than with the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
More often than not, finding peace - and a good night’s sleep - is a matter of finding a place of harmony between two seemingly paradoxical states of mind - between taking action and letting go. A good pre-bed wind-down routine is simply a way of practicing that balanced mindset.
2-sentence summary
Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep is often related to mental stress - fruitless ruminating about things that happened in the past or may happen in the future. A good wind-down routine helps you identify those stressors and intentionally let go of them so that you can relax and shift into sleep.
Today’s action step
Choose one activity from the list (or another activity that fits the bill) and commit to doing it every night before bed for the next week. See how your sleep improves - do you fall asleep more easily? Are you more or less likely to wake up for long stretches of time at night?
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